You Can't Be Everything to Everyone.

You just need to be something to you.

These past few days have not been great for me. I can usually put on a good sweater and face the day, unscathed from the emotional turmoil inside my head. But not today. I'm stressed. And I have the economy and the job market to thank for yesterday and today.

I like to think of myself as a do-gooder. Not in a brown-nose kind of way, but in a helpful, respectful adult kind of way. Eight years ago, we decided I would quit my job after my son was born so I could stay home and guide him toward being a smart and wonderful man. I felt this was my job, not that of some careless 20-something with no kids of her own who couldn't wait to get off work to finally recover from the previous night's hangover and today's screaming children. Yeah, I know who you are. I tried to trust you with him once when he was a year old and he was left in front of a television for countless hours at a time, came home with a serious gash on his chin, and had a uri, ear infection, and the flu for the entire 3 weeks he was with you. Let me tell you what I really think of daycare...

It was also decided that since I would be at home with him, I would finish my degree as well, so when it was time to go back to work, I would have a whole lot of B.S. to add to my skills. What you don't think about though, is that the 8 year gap on a resume, regardless of any "volunteer" ventures or freelance gigs you may have had, makes you a ... are you ready?...a STAY-AT-HOME-MOM. *shriek with horror* Which must somehow translate into an ignorant, talent-less, lazy invalid incapable of learning the ins and outs of a basic office setting. *sigh* Really?

Cue the Music!

Let me see if I can break it down a little. I spend 8 years managing my home and its employees.

Training/Management/HR
I am in charge of training the new guy, which involves teaching sitting up, standing, walking, potty-training, speech, hand-eye coordination, proper communication, grammar, cleanliness routines, shape recognition, appropriate behaviors, and much more.
I am also HR, handling complaints, inappropriate use of language, proper use of household items, and much more. I am also in charge of organizational development, performance management by use of chore charts, coaching, policy reinforcement, and overall employee management.

Personal Chef/Cafeteria Lady
I prepare all daily meals, morning, noon, and night, all in-between snacks, desserts, beverages, and I cater holidays and special occasions.

Accountant/Budget Consultant/Purchasing Manager
I am also in charge of financial matters. I organize and pay accounts due, I collect on amounts owed, I do the taxes, and create a manageable home budget for groceries, vehicle maintenance, home repair, medical and other expenses. All home necessities are also purchased by me.

Housekeeper/Custodian/Handyman
I clean all aspects of the home. Windows, doors, floors, walls, carpets, furniture, beds, and closets (and ceiling fans mom). It is also my responsibility to clean the bathrooms, wash the dishes, and occasionally clean out the fridge. When something breaks, I fix it, or make the call to someone who can. Mostly it's me though. If you can't duct it...

Nurse
Employees come to me with both major and minor injuries. I have removed splinters, thorns, and bee stingers, bandaged burns and deep cuts, kissed scraped knees and elbows, and iced bruises. First aid kit is always stocked with dum-dum suckers and stickers.

Secretary/Receptionist/Service Desk and Hospitality
It is also my job to answer the phones and take messages as needed. I remove us from call lists we are not interested in, sign up for those we are, make any necessary appointments, and copy, file, fax, and email as needed. Guests can check in with me and are treated like family. **Chauffeur services also available.

In addition to all that, I am also a wife, which holds a whole other set of jobs. I have to be feminine at least some of the time, getting out of sweats and tee-shirts and spending more than 38 seconds on my hair and make-up. Where did I put my eyeliner...oh, there it is. In the crayon box. Should I mention me-time? Nah...another time maybe.

I'm certain that if I sat here all night I could go on, but you get the idea. I'd hire me. Any company that hires a former stay-at-home mom is getting a deal. Where else can you get all this in one person. I don't think $40k to start is unreasonable. In fact, that's a hell of a deal.

So yeah, my job search is running in circles and I fear the worst, that I'll end up working with a handful of idiot twenty-somethings where 'OHmagad' is the most common phrase and I'll have to ask 'Whole milk or soy?'. I refuse to regret my decision to stay with my son. I believe it's the reason we have the great relationship we have, why he is so grounded and respectful, and it was important to me not to miss all the amazing milestones kids go through in the first few years. I missed it once, never again.

If you already feel kind of pointless, try your hand at a job search after 8 years "off". See just how low you can really go. I want to be noticed. I want to be complimented on my talents and skills by someone who doesn't have a biased opinion. I want to get a paycheck, sick days, paid holidays, yearly reviews, and the ability to change positions or move up. It would make me happy. It's what I want.