Who...Me?
At some point being a stay-at-home mom loses its appeal. All the milestones have been reached, the basics have been taught, and at the end of the day, the ray of sunshine only appears with the pop of a cork. They get to the age where they talk back, they whine about doing chores or picking up shoes, and the only time they plead for your attention and affection is when you're on the phone or they're going to bed...and only because they want to stay up any amount of time longer than they're supposed to.
It's bad enough that finding a job has yielded nothing in the way of interest or offers, but to add to that being left to clean up after the people you live with, who are your family, and receive no form of gratitude or help makes me wonder what it's all for. I didn't have aspirations of cleaning up pee, vomit, dog and cat hair, and other people's dirty socks for the rest of my life. Believe it or not, I had real dreams.
So, I'm going after those dreams. I love my little man bigger than the world, and I'm taking him on this journey with me. I've realized that he's nowhere near done learning, and because of his age, now is the time to teach him that women mean more than housekeeping and good dinner. He needs to see me work, needs to see me in charge, valued, and worth something. He needs to know that other people have important needs and wants just as he has. And he needs to see that a woman can work and be financially independent. Hopefully by teaching him this, he will learn to value whatever woman comes in to his life later on (as he's only 7 after all) and not take for granted what she's willing to do for him and not overlook what she's capable of and what she may have given up because of how much she loves him.
For the last 8 years, I have tried to become someone I'm just not. I conformed to someone else's ideas of fun, entertainment, appropriateness, food preferences, music, color schemes, likes and dislikes...you name it. And I blame no one but myself. This was my choice. I tried to be what others consider a "perfect" girlfriend, a "perfect" wife, and a "perfect" mother. But I lost myself in the process. Becoming something to someone else leaves little room for you to be anything to you. I think there was so much conflict all this time because I missed being me. 'Perfect' only goes so far...and no 2 ideas of it are alike. I rather like who I am without someone else's ideas thrown in. I think my likes and dislikes are 'perfect'...for me though. And I know now that those shouldn't change for anyone, just as others shouldn't change for me. I'm okay with that. I'm not angry or sad, I have no regrets. Everything happens for a reason, and this was just another lesson I had to learn. It's the one thing I actually love about getting older...gaining a better understanding of who I am.
So that's where I am...and over there, no, there...yeah...that area. That's where I'm going. And I'm happy. It's gonna be tough, and it's a lot to back up and start again, but it will be worth it in the long run. :)
It's bad enough that finding a job has yielded nothing in the way of interest or offers, but to add to that being left to clean up after the people you live with, who are your family, and receive no form of gratitude or help makes me wonder what it's all for. I didn't have aspirations of cleaning up pee, vomit, dog and cat hair, and other people's dirty socks for the rest of my life. Believe it or not, I had real dreams.
So, I'm going after those dreams. I love my little man bigger than the world, and I'm taking him on this journey with me. I've realized that he's nowhere near done learning, and because of his age, now is the time to teach him that women mean more than housekeeping and good dinner. He needs to see me work, needs to see me in charge, valued, and worth something. He needs to know that other people have important needs and wants just as he has. And he needs to see that a woman can work and be financially independent. Hopefully by teaching him this, he will learn to value whatever woman comes in to his life later on (as he's only 7 after all) and not take for granted what she's willing to do for him and not overlook what she's capable of and what she may have given up because of how much she loves him.
For the last 8 years, I have tried to become someone I'm just not. I conformed to someone else's ideas of fun, entertainment, appropriateness, food preferences, music, color schemes, likes and dislikes...you name it. And I blame no one but myself. This was my choice. I tried to be what others consider a "perfect" girlfriend, a "perfect" wife, and a "perfect" mother. But I lost myself in the process. Becoming something to someone else leaves little room for you to be anything to you. I think there was so much conflict all this time because I missed being me. 'Perfect' only goes so far...and no 2 ideas of it are alike. I rather like who I am without someone else's ideas thrown in. I think my likes and dislikes are 'perfect'...for me though. And I know now that those shouldn't change for anyone, just as others shouldn't change for me. I'm okay with that. I'm not angry or sad, I have no regrets. Everything happens for a reason, and this was just another lesson I had to learn. It's the one thing I actually love about getting older...gaining a better understanding of who I am.
So that's where I am...and over there, no, there...yeah...that area. That's where I'm going. And I'm happy. It's gonna be tough, and it's a lot to back up and start again, but it will be worth it in the long run. :)
xoxo
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